EU to Introduce Two New Time Zones

Earlier today Mr Donald Trunk, EU Commissioner for Social Adjustments, launched an initiative that will see two new time zones introduced before the end of 2017. Mr Trunk explained that spreading electricity demand more evenly across the continent will help integrate the new electricity market and reduce peak demand. What better way to achieve integration than to divide the continent into 5 time zones?

Mr Trunk went on to explain that importantly this simple measure will mean that the wind will now blow and the Sun will shine at different times across the continent and this will help resolve the intermittency problem. The press release details are below the fold.

<Press release begins>

The problem is illustrated in Figure 1. Europe currently has 3 time zones, the UK, Ireland and Portugal in the West. Finland, Baltic states, Romania, Bulgaria and Greece in the East with the remaining countries sprawling from Spain to Poland in a single, unmanageable zone. This massive central zone has 380 million people, 381 million counting refugees, and that is 76% of the total population. The situation at present is absurd with everyone getting up for breakfast, travelling to work and getting home for tea at the same time creating a peak demand for electricity that is much higher than is necessary (Figure 2). This is a situation that clearly must be adjusted.

Figure 1 EU time zones as they are today. The elephant in the room is the central time zone that needs to be divided to achieve a unified energy policy.

Figure 2 Peak demand in the EU today is dominated by the vast central time zone that will be broken up.

The new time zones THAT WILL BE INTRODUCED are shown in Figure 3. The EU will not consult on this issue since it is anticipated that countries like Britain will oppose these measures. It is time for Europeans to become accustomed to simply doing what they are ordered to do. This is in the best interests of everyone.

Figure 3 The new time zones that will be introduced in October 2017.

The time zones have been adjusted to try and have the same number of people in each zone which is a difficult task without breaking up countries, which was considered but rejected for the time being. A future plan is to move people from one zone to another in order to achieve a more uniform spread. Resettling most refugees in the Balticbalkan zone, that needs more people, will be a first step in this direction. This may mean sending many refugees back to Greece.

The result of these adjustments on peak electricity demand may at first appear small but at 9.2 GW they are indeed substantial (Figure 4). This will allow countries like Germany to close down its nuclear power stations AND reduce CO2 emissions removing two of the greatest threats to humanity, namely nuclear armageddon and climatic melt down.

Figure 4 EU electricity demand model for the EU. Maritime = Greenwich – 2 hrs; Western = Greenwich – 1 hr; Greenwich = Greenwich – 0 hrs; Eastern = Greenwich + 1 hr; Balticbalkan = Greenwich + 2 hrs. The reduced peak demand will allow for the closure of 10 large power stations and will contribute to the UN and EU goal of saving planet Earth.

<Press release ends>

German Chancellor Angela Merkel said she was delighted with the proposals.

At last we have a European solution to the migrant crisis. And I’m particularly pleased to see that the Greenwich meridian will be moved to Berlin. It is only right that this should lie in the heart of Europe and not at the heart of a now defunct empire.

David Cameron said he was dismayed at the proposals and insensitive timing weeks ahead of the Brexit vote. He also pointed out how the two hour difference between London and Frankfurt would now place The City at a disadvantage. London is now closer to New York than Athens.

I think I may join Boris in the Exit campaign. We are sick and fed up of being ruled from Berlin Brussels.

When asked if he was going to fly to Brussels to meet Mr Trunk, Mr Cameron said there was no way he was getting on a plane to Brussels. Mr Trunk can fly to London.

Professor Jurgen Tick, president of the Swiss Watch Maker’s association said he could see only benefits from the new scheme. Switzerland now lies at the focus of three time zones and he would be encouraging the Swiss government to introduce three time zones to Switzerland to show solidarity with the European neighbours.

The timing could not have been better as we will shortly launch the sWitchswatch to compete with the iWatch. The sWitchswatch will use satellites and the cell phone network to automatically keep the right time as people move from one zone to the next.

This location information will also be automatically relayed to our headquarters in Langley Zurich.

Image credit: The photograph of Donald Trunk was taken by Roger Andrews on Mr Trunk’s recent visit to the Mexican border where he was on a fact finding mission about the use of walls to adjust social behaviour. On this visit Mr Trunk observed:

China once led the world in social adjustment walls technology. Europe then took the lead before letting it collapse. Now it seems the USA is going to overtake China AND Europe. Europe needs to regain the lead. Building bridges fences walls fits perfectly with our population resettlement program.

Maps produced for the EU using which is ace!

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30 Responses to EU to Introduce Two New Time Zones

  1. Rainer says:

    Do not change facts in this post.
    Canary Islands also is part of western Time zone is fact also

    • Euan Mearns says:

      I didn’t include the Canaries or the Cuckoo islands because they are not connected to the grid. But once the proposed €75 billion interconnector is built to export surplus renewable energy from El Hierro then of course Canaries will be included as part of the Maritime zone.

      • Rainer says:

        got me. But was really not fair. Had still 31.March.
        Canarias will stay in the “Subsidies Timezone” like now.
        So do not have no financial problem with the interconnector!!!!!

  2. Kees van der Pool says:

    Excellent! It is indeed April 1, right? Even Bruxelles couldn’t be this stupid, right?

  3. Willem post says:

    This HAS to be part of the plan to save the world. Just look at the tremendous change in peak demand. Are these people nuts?

    It will take 100 billion euros per year to take care of 1 million new refugees, who will be too busy to work and pray, and whatever else, instead of working and integrating.

    Sayonara Europe. We need more stiff upper lip.

    • Euan Mearns says:

      Willem, you need to read the full report to understand this is just the beginning of new social adjustments. I bet before 2020 that Germany will be divided and that either the existing zones are split again or a two hour difference between zones is introduced.

  4. Dave Rutledge says:

    Well done, Euan

  5. Pyrrhus says:

    A Modest Proposal indeed, bravo!

  6. Euan:

    After reviewing the EU proposals Boris Johnson is understood to be reconsidering his position on Brexit. “More time zones and redistribution of migrants makes sense to me”, he is reported to have said. “Maybe these Eurocrats are smarter than I thought. Besides, the concept fits my hairstyle.”

  7. Stuart says:

    Bravo Sir, Bravo.

    If we extend this idea to America we could have 22 time zones. The 94 million people that have given up looking for work could be employed to make new signs and set clocks to the proper time.

    Oh Happy Days!

  8. nukie says:

    I propose a improvement to the concept: shift the time between each time zone by 4 hours instead of one, this makes the demand over time nearly constant, and allowes to introduce more nuclear baseload capacity 🙂

  9. Henrik M. Poulsen says:

    Hilarious Euan – April fool ;O)

    • Euan Mearns says:

      Norway of course, with a border to the E of Finland should join the Balticbalkan time zone. But the choice will be yours since Norway is still a free country.

  10. Gaznotprom says:

    Loves it!!! I can see a joint UE / Decc study being undertaken very shortly. God knows where they got the idea from!
    Keep up the good work!

  11. jim brough says:

    Its an example of game-playing which proposed that wind electricity’s variable performance could be solved by a greater geographical spread of the technology.

    That did not work in Europe and South Australia.

    Now we have the notion that we can solve the electricity generation problem by fiddling with time zones.
    A bit like the angels on the head of a pin.

    • Stuart Brown says:

      But surely it would have worked for Euan if only Scotland had managed to push this this through.

      Allowing Scotland to remain in summer all year would vastly increase the amount of solar energy available 😉

      • Euan Mearns says:

        I’m actually strongly in favour of keeping summertime. Come October, it getting dark around 5 and then they change the clock and its dark at 4 and by the solstice its dark at 3. Much rather have the daylight in the evening.

  12. Boris says:

    todays is?

  13. S Gopala says:

    Love it 🙂

  14. A C Osborn says:

    This was by far the best part for me.
    “The new time zones THAT WILL BE INTRODUCED are shown in Figure 3. The EU will not consult on this issue since it is anticipated that countries like Britain will oppose these measures. It is time for Europeans to become accustomed to simply doing what they are ordered to do. This is in the best interests of everyone.”

  15. Graeme No.3 says:

    Very Good Euan. I particularly like that suggestion to a Great Wall of Europe. Probably will be built as an electric fence – powered by renewable energy of course. It is EU policy to spend money on things that don’t work as intended.

  16. Gaznotprom says:

    Love that idea, solar powered electric high security fence!

  17. Jim Brough says:

    Rearranging the European time zones to squeeze a bit more from the system by manipulating the social behaviour of populations was proved by day-light saving when I was a lad in Scotland during WW2. Day-light saving operates in parts of Australia.

    Ultimately fiddling with time zones is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
    Politicians and others waffle about carbon neutral electricity.

    To make silicon for solar cells we need to mine and purify the necessary silicon dioxide which we react with purified carbon at high temperature to produce Silicon plus carbon dioxide.

    By no stretch of the imagination can solar electricity qualify to be carbon-neutral.
    Can a contributor to this conversation demonstrate how we can achieve carbon-neutrality ?

    • Stuart Brown says:

      Jim, please don’t think I was getting at you, yours just happened to be the last comment when I came on. I’d be the last fan on the planet for solar PV, especially in Scotland, and I doubt you’ll find many here – but can I suggest that you obviously believe that this is a subject that should not be treated with any levity in spite of yesterdays date?

  18. Grant says:

    I could not think of anywhere else to link this so here goes ….

    On the El Hierro threads the subject of King Island in Australia has arisen from time to time.

    The BBC web site is running a story about wallaby culling on King Island.

    Now the island is not that large, has a farming community and a population of circa 600 humans supported by its renewable energy experiments and is located in the Bass straight where one can anticipate regular, energy intensive wind activity.

    Yet they seem to have quite intermittent wind energy productivity ranging form nothing to about twice the amount they can consume.

    It seems that King Island also has up to 1 million wallabies in residence, hoping about all over the place. Not bad for an island of that size. How did they get there?

    Is there no way that all of that Wallaby energy could be harnessed for electricity generation? Surely it would be a more reliable source of heat than the intermittent wind turbines and the enormously expensive battery as well as far more powerful that the non-bio diesel generator that seems to be in almost constant use.
    So, folks, all we need is a good method of harnessing wallaby energy. There must be enough smart people around with blog to come up with a way to deliver that objective!

  19. Some more Putin-envy, I fear. They would just love the EU to cover eleven time zones.

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